Just some thoughts

It has been 4 weeks tomorrow since Jesse has come home and it has been an amazing experience. This post has been in my head for a few weeks now and it is mostly just for me to be able to get my thoughts and emotions out. Please forgive my for my thoughts will be very random. My heart is so FULL..my house is dirty and a mess but my heart is FULL! Jesse will be 6 months old tomorrow and I have not once been sad that we missed out on his first 5 months of life. I am loving having him here now!
I know that everything happens for a reason. It has taken me years to understand how it all works but I know now that Heavenly Father is watching out for us and gives us trials and challenges to prepare us for the things to come. My mother-in-law wrote a poem and she gave it to me the day that ALL the relinquishment papers were signed (about 3 weeks ago). I guess she started this poem a while ago, I hope she won't mind me sharing it. When I read it the first time I just cried because it so captures my feelings through this last adoption experience. Let me give a little background, Jane is a caseworker from Heart and Soul adoption agency. We had our profile with them and we almost adopted a 5 month old little boy back in March through Heart and Soul. We just didn't have a peaceful feeling about that situation. Judy is our caseworker at LDS Family Services.

The Labor

There isn't anything that quells the pain. What can you take that numbs the pain but allows you to go on? The only relief comes when she falls to her knees and cries to her Heavenly Father.

She rises from the pool of tears and feels His warmth fill her heart. The labor pains subside for now. She sees Mya's blue eyes and smiley face and knows it's all worth it.

The phone rings. "Hi, it's Jane...." The labor pains begin again....they come with a vengeance. Sometime they last for hours, sometimes weeks, other times even months.

When she catches her breath, the pain is quelled enough for her to think more clearly. She knows that this miracle is all part of Heavenly Father's plan. All will be well....

The phone rings....not expecting a call from anyone. It's Judy...what? Chosen? The tears flow and the joy makes her tingle all over.

The labor isn't over, yet. She and her husband go through labor together again. It goes on for a week....no medication stops the pain or eases the fears that rise up in their hearts.

Yet...through it all they feel that heavenly peace and warmth and know that the pain will end today. Jesse is theirs! Amy, Scott and Mya smile at their little guy knowing that all the labor pains were worth it.

Thank you Mary! Waiting for Jesse to find our family was very tough. I wanted Mya to have a sibling so bad!!! And I knew that she would be a GREAT big sister. We are very close with our families and Mya knows her cousins well but there is a special bond siblings have and I wanted it for her more that anything. And now to see my 2 precious, wonderful children together means so much to me. I am so BLESSED!!!!

Even after being blessed with Mya, I still was sad that I couldn't be pregnant or carry my children. But I learned a lot this time around. I am so thankful for the way that my children have found us. I appreciate their being in our home so much now. It is truly by Heavenly Father's hand. Heavenly Father not only prepares the birth parents for their sacrifices but He prepared us as well. I had 2 dreams right before we were told about Jesse. I dreamt that we were placed with a boy but it was not a newborn. I remember waking up and telling Scott all about my dream. A few weeks before we were told about Jesse, we heard the name Jesse and I remember Scott saying "we need to remember that name, I like it a lot." So when my caseworker told me his name was Jesse, I just started crying because I knew that this was our child. And last, the adoption that almost happened with Heart and Soul prepared us as well. Heavenly Father is amazing!!! We are so BLESSED.